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The Observer

by Rob Diaz-Marino (1997-1998)
(C) 2000


I watch,
I listen,
I try to make sense
Of what goes on around me.

I sit and stare out the window.
My mind may seem inactive
By the blank stare,
But I ponder
Sometimes things I, myself,
Cannot comprehend in waking thoughts,
Though sometimes slip from dreams to reality
And my mind yells in triumph
That I have solved an age-old problem,
But then I realize that I can no longer remember
What the solution was…and soon afterward
The question itself fades.

I watch and listen.
The chaos confuses me.
How can anything be understood?
Unless there is an order to it,
Unless chaos is an order in itself…
Then once again,
The barrier shows itself,
One that I know will never be breached
In my waking thoughts,
In my living thoughts,
In my human thoughts,
And though I long to know,
I know it cannot be known
Except by those whose reality we live in.
Those who,
In their omnipotence
For some unknown reason
Decided to create
finity.

I wonder,
I ponder,
Was I made to be,
Only an observer?
Interaction has proven to me
That it is not my ally.
But my spirit is fading
Without this vital aspect of life.
The candle flickers dim,
And though I try to rekindle the flame
The barrier thwarts my attempts.
Giving way just enough for me to see hope.
To trick me into leaving the flame
Long enough so that with one breath
It can extinguish my spirit.
In many forms it comes:
My life,
My friends,
My family,
Myself.
So I continue to shield,
losing my trust and faith,
My hand
Growing feeble day by day
From the crippling burden of work,
Responsibility
And other things that nobody notices,
Nor do they appreciate.

The flame flickers in the eyes of the Observer,
Dying within the fortifications of his own soul
Refusing to give up the safety and protection.
So he continues,
To watch,
To listen,
To try to understand
Why he brings upon himself,
This tragic fate.

Then why is the observer
viewed as a pillar of strength?
Perhaps his objectiveness
Is to be envied.
Perhaps
The many thoughts
That have humbled him,
Is something to be sought after.

What the invisible enemy does not know
Is just how strong of will he is,
When he has direction.
While it thinks he is dying in his
Isolation,
He is using the candle to set alight a bonfire.

Then his soul will be strong,
And the frustrated breath of the foe
Will only fan the flames.


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© 2000 Rob Diaz-Marino. All rights reserved.